cry-rihanna

I've been missing my lil friend.

I've known her for more than 3 years.

Still remember when i 1st met her.

I never dare to go near her.

Shes not an easy type to be friend with.

Time flies.

End of the year,

the bitchest girl made me cried in school,

Shes there for me,

literally =.=

Lol

But whatever... :D

2nd year, in the same school, same class..,

Getting closer,

Try to understand her,

Slowly she accepted me,

Again,

End of the year,

In front of others,

The bitchest put me in shame,

Even in front of the teachers,

Well that hurts a lot,

Really a lot,

Again shes there for me..

Yeahhh..

She too, been humiliated by the bitchest..

Guess she knew the feeling of mine.

3rd year,

We're getting closer..

But the year full of drama..,

My mum, the jerk, the bicthest,

Nothing can calm me but she did.

She knew what sentence to use,

The right words to say,

Thats how i've been soo paranoid when the one that i love using the wrong word or wrong sentence.

Had enough w/ people keep on using me for their own benefit,

Scared to trust people,

Scared to madly in love,

But yeahh..

I am now.

Deep in love i mean.

Juz feeling of love of mine towards him.

Lord knows how complicated i am,

But he did keep me safe.

And now again.

feeling like i've been,

Drifted to the wind..

The only thing that knows everything is my pillow ! LOL

I wish my pillow can talk.

Then i dont need anyone else.

Thank goodness my pillow cant talk. -___-

Had chat w/ my kitty bum bumm.

About parents.

That night i cried a lot.

Thinking juz what if my parents..

What if...

Who and how?

Why?

Till now..

I am really sensitive when it comes to parents..

And here i am..

Really confused of people who called themselves as my friends..

Feeling ashame of me..

The way i speak,

The way i write or type..

Shame of me if i had fashion went wrong..

Shame of me juz wearing t-shirt n jeans..

Shame of me if i do not want to show off my skins..

Shame of being who i really am..

Yeahhh..

They want me to change soo that people dont talk about me.. Call me names..

But I dont want to change for some fuck up people..

I am who i am..

I dont even want to be part of ur fuck up world..

Unreal world..

Nothing seems real to me..

The only real to me is that,

My insecurity of my afterlife,

The endless list of sins that i did,

I can write every single sin i did,

But the list is too long for me to write down..

Might lose my fingers..,

But still the sins continue by itself..

I do know what i did was wrong but y i cant stop doing it..

Its a jerk feelings..

Stupid of me..

Wonder what and how can calm me down now?

Sitting at home alone.

Not knowing who to tell.

Not knowing how.

It hurts.

Yeahhh..

The only person i need the most right now

Is me, myself and i.

Have to get a grip of myself.

Got to be damn strong.

Cuz juz realized.

No one would be really there for me 24/7 nor understands me..

Except myself and god.

How stupid i am for having a bestfriend but simply useless..

I bet those people who read this would criticize me for being soo emotional..

Hey Im juz writing how do i feel about myself..

I dont even want any of ur attention. =P

Im childish, sensitive, trustworthy, damn careful w/ people, n certainly smart n genius when it comes to detect lies n uncover ugly truth of ur dark secrets..

I wonder who can get me at my best behaviour..

Owh well screw it.. :)

 Yeahhh.. And i do miss u.. a lot..

You and you..