Owh gosh im insane

Okie.
I need shrink.
Seriously no joke.
Im getting crazier. *gaps*
Lol
No im really serioussssss..
Owh well myb i'll be ok after i met lyana later on..
Phewwwww -____-

things never went right.

I was really moved with Justin Bieber's song, PRAY,
Been listening to that song lately,
When i feel down n listening to that song the smile is back.
Yeah.
Getting stronger everytime,
Im starting to learn that no one can lean on someone for long,
Im starting to learn that standing up w/ my own feet better than juz being so emotional,
Im starting to learn that no one would really be there,
Im starting to learn that u cant trust someone's words or promises 100%,
Im starting to learn not to put soo much hope in someone but myself,
Im starting to learn that life isnt a gamble nor joke,
Life is a maze,
A dangerous big maze with everything inside it,
Roller-coaster, horrible accident, unexpected guest u name it.
Live our life to the fullest aint mean u go n fuck urself up.
Screw urself then thats it,
It may be the end or beginning for u.
Depends on what kinda person u r.
People would ask me to tell wth happened to me,
But it seems those words stuck n wont come out,
People would put soo much pressure on me n still i couldnt tell what had happened.
Holidays were really suck up.
Spent most of my times sleeping n pray to god so that the time pass away juz lyk that. -___-"

But all i do now,

Every moment when things aint ryt,

Close my eyes n pray that things eventually gets better. :)

haters

Formspring : kau tahu tak muka kau mcm tikus?ooOOoo haha gambar kau asl rambut je serabai muka mana?.. hahah

Me : Owh ye ke? tikus cute aq suka. Tikus pandai dan licik aq suka. Xharam. X dihitung dosa. Bagus nya kalu dpt jadi tikus or haiwan lain2. Xmacam kau perangai macam setan laknatullah. Allah benci. Thax :)

Lol

Juz opened my formspring.

Heh.

Quite a compliment for me?

Lol

Honestly, i love being messy.

But people love to give me names. Not sure y.

They call me "tikus", tiger, cat, lion, elephant, what else? =.=

But yeah i dont mind being an animal.

That would be soo much better.

Even Saidina Abu Bakar nak jd haiwan.

Haihz

Honestly bitchest,

I know who u are.

I dont give a fucking damn about what u've said.

Cuz deep down inside u,

U knew,

I am GOD DAMN BETTER THAN YOU ARE.

Ouiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :)

U've made my life

Things went wrong lately.

Mostly stuffs involving parents n friends.

Well yeah.

I dont have friends lately.

Just very few that i still keep in touch.

I guess cause i dont need anymore friends that aint worth to get close with.

I have my sis soo yeahh -__-

Me n my parents?

We're cool.

lol

Anyway went to ustaz's house.

He just got back fram hajj.

Yeahh.

Visited him yesterday.

He talked and talked n then he paused and looked at me

And said

"Ustaz dah doa kan untuk kak long"

Just that simple sentence,

Have made my life.

It gives me strength.

Very strong.

Like there will be nothing to bring me down.

I just kept on smiling the whole day.

Only god knows how happy i was n still am.

And all i have to do right now is believing in myself and serious shit.

I am gonna make it.

And i dont give a damn with those people who are wasting their time,

Talking behind my back.

Cause u know what?

I dont need to listen someone like u.

Yeahhh

IM BACK !

Totally no backing down.

Yeah. Kau standard lain. Aku standard lain kan?

Cuz i sent a stupid chain letter i already got to know the real u. Yeahh.. Now keep on asking myself can i trusted u w/ all those secrets i told u before?

My only wish

Pangg..
Holyshit.
That hurts a lot.
But thank god it wasnt police that escort me to go home.
Haihz
I wish my parents could understand me better.
But they cant cuz they dont want to.
I didnt lie. Not at all.
Fuck.

becareful when ur taking a pic

Soo yeahh.. If u do not want people to think bad stuffs about u, U hav to be cautious the way ur acting on camera. Cuz it could leads to negative thoughts when someone sees it. It will be ugly when people get into a fight juz a cuz of stupid photo ryt? Well yeahh.. It could destroys a relationship. That is bad. Really really bad.

Anyway, we all are different. Our sentences have different meaning than others. Soo I'm trying to understand what u people are trying to tell me. Those words ur using, im trying to to get a hint of what u really mean. Cuz when we talk about limits, my limits are different than urs. Ur limits are different than mine. Aahh. That hits me. We're not the same. We never will be on the same page. We speak different languages. Thats y.

Trying to get control of my emotions but hell no, its not fun cuz without them, i get lost. I get lost to unreal world.

But without u, i would rather die, cuz ur my love, my life and my everything. I really love u sayang :)

Money changed people

$$$$$$$$$$$

Money changed people.

Money destroyed people.

Stupid people used money for fuck up stuffs.

Money broke someone's heart.

Money destroyed love.

Money made people hate each other.

Money broke family apart.

Money made people cheated on each other.

Money made people's life a disaster.

BUT

Money saved someone's life.

Money saved an orphan.

Money saved old people.

Money saved animals.

Money saved those unfortunate people,

Ermm what else?

I think that's it.

The money that we're talking about here

is a big junk of money

$_$

As u can see the dark side of money is too much.

I wonder if getting rich is everything.

Money really still going to change people around us.

Thinking of how bad people need those big junk of money,

Make me wonder,

How r they gonna deal with that evil green?

Can they control themselves?

Let say u've married to a damn rich guy,

If the guy is stupid n doesnt know the harm of it,

The guy will fall into a big black hole and no one can saves him.

Y?

Rich man means he will or he obviously will or he try not to cheat on his wife.

But i dare say,

98% of rich men will cheat on their wives.

How about the rich lady?

If the lady is shopaholic,

She will show off everything she got and show to the WORLD,

And if she's nice God bless her,

If she's not, Please let her die quickly.

Lol

But yeahh..

Its true though.

Although,

Many rich people are fuck up,

Without money they didnt become fuck up,

But once they got all the money,

Mannnn,

I cant imagine the stuffs that they're about to do.

But i didnt say all of them are.

Some of them really using the money in the right way.

And i am very impress of those people.

Syed Mokhtar al-Bukhary, Warren Buffet, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates,

And many more.

But the people that i really look up to are Syed Mokhtar al-Bukhary and Warren Buffet.

God bless them.

Soo yeahh..

I know u would say this over n over again,

"Money is everything",

But can u handle that evil greens?

Plum Pretty Sugar { Between the Seams }

Plum Pretty Sugar { Between the Seams }

Im not like u.

Look.

I am a trustworthy person.

I keep my mouth shut.

Watever shits happened i didnt tell my mamma bout it.

I dun get y the hell u wanna complaint bout me to ur parents n ur frens?

Im ur relative n u talked behind my back.

Its killing me.

It really is killing me till now.

I xpernah nak cerita kat my mum bukan2 pasal kau cuz ur my cousin.

My frens told me bout u.

Please larr weii.

I mmg benci gila org xnak mengaku buat salah. Berlagak baik.

I pray to God every single day to punish u for what u've did to me.

I get upset n sometimes i cried thinking of wat u did.

How could u?

Its not fair.

Im ur cousin n u did those stuffs behind my back.

Baik sgt ke diri kau tu yg kau nak kutuk org?

Sejahat jahat aku pun (or fuck up as u told ur mamma n frens),

Lagi keji org yg mengutuk saudara sendiri.

May God teach u a lesson.

Change?

People.

Can they really change for better?

Or they changed for better n then they got fed up being "goody-good" n went back to what they were or worse?

Can someone really change people?

Will it work?

No. I'm serious.

Can it really work using nice words, kindness n bla bla bla..

Will it really work?

Well yeahh..

Of coz everyone wants to become better person in every way..

But can they keep it up with their plan's to become a better person?

I'm just worried if I'll become worse than before.

Yeahh..

I am not a good person either.

Just being curious.

Scared if people that i love become worse in the future.

My sister, my brothers, my nieces, my nephews,

Or my own kids.

Which parents want to see their kids doing things that they shouldnt do?

Or the same mistakes that we did?

Well yeahh..

U can say "owh my parents damn cool. They dont really care about shits that i do."

R u really sure about that?

Yeahh.. Maybe they do not show their worries n caring enough about u cuz their too busy w/ their works..

But i really am sure they did cry n pray for their kids to become a better person n better parents in the future.

That hits me a lot.

Maybe the way we're acting ryt now,

Those fuck up things that we did, n still doing it,

Wont effect us ryt NOW in a way,

But hell yes.

It will effect our kids FUTURE.

Do u know y?

Cuz ryt now,

Shits that we did or doing it and we're OKAY with it even though we already knew that its WRONG,

And then we will actually let our kids doing it cuz we thought it's OKAY since we did those stuffs at their age.

Soo yeahh..

Seeing people around me,

What they're doing.,

The way they're acting,

The way they're thinking,

Really makes me think more about the future than the present.

What kind of person i want to be?

The path is right in front of me.

Just waiting for me to choose it.

Better or worse?

Darkness or brightness?

U can insult everything that i've just wrote.

Criticize me, saying Im just want attention cuz think im better than anyone,

Or call me just wanna show to the world that Im the only one who aint fuck up,

Or whatever shits u want to say about me.

Do i give a damn about it?

Maybe no maybe yes.

Depends on what ur criticizing.

Just want to let u know what i was thinking about.

Just want to share with u the reality.

Or should i say the patterns of our life.

Thank god

Okayyyy

I've changed my template..

Thax to those people who well patiently helped me.

LOL

Silent

I can be damn loud, hyper, talkative, bithcy, mean, but yeahh..

I can be damn silent, just smile, n listen to what you people were saying..

Those words that came out from your mouth ran through my mind like a damn fast train..

And then,

Suddenly the mind paused for awhile and thinking of what u've just said..

Hell yeahhh...

I caught u said the things that u did..

The things that u shouldn't do..

But did i attack u at that time?

Nope..

I let it be.. 

Keep it cool and keep on smiling :)

Just keep on telling myself to be really damn aware with the words that u would say next..

Owh well,

I've been training myself to be think before the words come from my mouth..

I am sick of those people who keep on telling me n bragging to me of what they people dont want to do but in the end they did..

Yeahhh...

After the things that i shouldnt do but i already did,

Since that day,

I just realized what i did is a big mistake..

Theres no turning back..

Thats for sure..

Soo like i said,

If you've said u don't want to do those shits then just don't ok?

But if u did the things that u've said u DO NOT want to do,

U just make a bad or worse impression on me.

And you now what, 

That is damn bad..

You know why?

U've made me having paranoia.

Yeahhh.. 

And my paranoid doesnt go off easily..

It will come back n keep on bugging me on negative thoughts..

And and i HATE when it happened..

It annoyed me like freaking hell.

And what u've said u didnt want to do but u did and i caught u red handed.,

HAH !

Now that is something.

Its like a tiny sharp knife stabbed my heart hundreds of time..

It hurts a lot.

Freaking a lot.

But yeahh..

I didnt complaint about it..

It takes time for me to complaint stuffs.. (except for the heatness of coz! I cant stand the heat =.=)

Soo yeahhh..

At least i didnt make up story to impress anyone. (pssstttt im not sure if u were telling the truth or not but watever. lol)

The one who wants the limelight is u.

If i really want the limelight, i would have gotten it till now.

d.i.s.t.r.a.c.t.i.o.n

It is cold hard feelings.

Strange feelings.

Like there is neither more hope nor happiness in me.

Why does that happen?

Ahhh yess…

It’s because of my mind.

Been cursed.

Being so paranoid and afraid.

Afraid of things that won’t turn out as I planned.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so relax and calm.

I did remember those moments but it’s like I’ve been dragged to be unhappy.

Wake up !

I’m not in harry potter world =.=

I didn’t even realize I hurt people that I love the most so bad.

I knew what I said I hurt them but I have to say it.

The more I keep the worst I became.

Lately small things pissed me off.

Stuffs that I don’t like to hear.

Stuffs that I don’t like to do.

Stuffs that I don’t like to talk about.

I did try my best to be happy.

I was happy when I was with you, but like I said I got pissed off easily.

Lost my good mood.

I guess fake smile didn’t work on you.

Cried a lot till eyes became swollen.

Owh well I think I look better with swollen eyes. >.<

No I’m serious. :D

Look I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.

I did try my best not to hurt anyone.

But it just happened.

 Arghhhhhh what can I do to distract myself from being stupidly emotional???

I don’t even understand myself.

I don’t even know me.

That’s weirdddd….. lol

What kind of person I am?

Am I that worse?

Did I treat you that bad?

Try to get lost with all my novels.

Keep myself busy.

But rarely work.

Haihhhhzzzzzz…..

I don’t know how to convince you anymore.

You know what hurts me the most?

When I had to cover my face with my pillow so that my parents wouldn’t know that I was actually crying.

Hahaha

I'm just being paranoid to human. 

Yeahh that is why it is hard for me to get so close with anyone except god.

I need to get rid of the paranoia a.s.a.p !

cry-rihanna

I've been missing my lil friend.

I've known her for more than 3 years.

Still remember when i 1st met her.

I never dare to go near her.

Shes not an easy type to be friend with.

Time flies.

End of the year,

the bitchest girl made me cried in school,

Shes there for me,

literally =.=

Lol

But whatever... :D

2nd year, in the same school, same class..,

Getting closer,

Try to understand her,

Slowly she accepted me,

Again,

End of the year,

In front of others,

The bitchest put me in shame,

Even in front of the teachers,

Well that hurts a lot,

Really a lot,

Again shes there for me..

Yeahhh..

She too, been humiliated by the bitchest..

Guess she knew the feeling of mine.

3rd year,

We're getting closer..

But the year full of drama..,

My mum, the jerk, the bicthest,

Nothing can calm me but she did.

She knew what sentence to use,

The right words to say,

Thats how i've been soo paranoid when the one that i love using the wrong word or wrong sentence.

Had enough w/ people keep on using me for their own benefit,

Scared to trust people,

Scared to madly in love,

But yeahh..

I am now.

Deep in love i mean.

Juz feeling of love of mine towards him.

Lord knows how complicated i am,

But he did keep me safe.

And now again.

feeling like i've been,

Drifted to the wind..

The only thing that knows everything is my pillow ! LOL

I wish my pillow can talk.

Then i dont need anyone else.

Thank goodness my pillow cant talk. -___-

Had chat w/ my kitty bum bumm.

About parents.

That night i cried a lot.

Thinking juz what if my parents..

What if...

Who and how?

Why?

Till now..

I am really sensitive when it comes to parents..

And here i am..

Really confused of people who called themselves as my friends..

Feeling ashame of me..

The way i speak,

The way i write or type..

Shame of me if i had fashion went wrong..

Shame of me juz wearing t-shirt n jeans..

Shame of me if i do not want to show off my skins..

Shame of being who i really am..

Yeahhh..

They want me to change soo that people dont talk about me.. Call me names..

But I dont want to change for some fuck up people..

I am who i am..

I dont even want to be part of ur fuck up world..

Unreal world..

Nothing seems real to me..

The only real to me is that,

My insecurity of my afterlife,

The endless list of sins that i did,

I can write every single sin i did,

But the list is too long for me to write down..

Might lose my fingers..,

But still the sins continue by itself..

I do know what i did was wrong but y i cant stop doing it..

Its a jerk feelings..

Stupid of me..

Wonder what and how can calm me down now?

Sitting at home alone.

Not knowing who to tell.

Not knowing how.

It hurts.

Yeahhh..

The only person i need the most right now

Is me, myself and i.

Have to get a grip of myself.

Got to be damn strong.

Cuz juz realized.

No one would be really there for me 24/7 nor understands me..

Except myself and god.

How stupid i am for having a bestfriend but simply useless..

I bet those people who read this would criticize me for being soo emotional..

Hey Im juz writing how do i feel about myself..

I dont even want any of ur attention. =P

Im childish, sensitive, trustworthy, damn careful w/ people, n certainly smart n genius when it comes to detect lies n uncover ugly truth of ur dark secrets..

I wonder who can get me at my best behaviour..

Owh well screw it.. :)

 Yeahhh.. And i do miss u.. a lot..

You and you..

=\

I havnt updated my blog. Wanted to but i dont know. Owh well screw it.
Tomorrow is th open day for my school.
Never thought that theyre gonna hav open day...
Hohoho im sooooo dead -____-
Well yeahh..
Nt really in a great condition.
I had fever n stomach ache yesterday..
Not fun =.=
Well the stomach ache is normal since i always got it. lol
But the fever that kinda make me wondering y n how.
haihhhhzzz.
I know y bt nt knowing how.
Im not sure what the hell is wrong w/ me but im fine juz ARGGGHHHHHH !! I need help !!
T^T
hahaha
Im insane n hurt n bla bla bla...
Cant really tell y..
Rather keep it to myself..
Love is fading...
I can feel the blame n all those stupid negative vibes around me..
Im not sure if everything is gonna be all right..
Yeahhh.. Not sure..
Stupid me. My mistakes.

Im tired being nice to u.

Owh yeahhh..

I went to my cousin's house yesterday..

Yes.. That "cousin" =.=

Ya noeee..

Want to be closed again w/ her lyk we always used to be..

But it didnt turn out that way..

The birdie told me she aint change..

Still talk behind my back after an HOUR meeting me..

Soo unbelievably true.

U c,

I wanted to make a peace w/ her n she did that to me (AGAIN!),

Soo i mean thats it.

Im done w/ u.

No more nicey-nice w/ u.

U played me well, n now its my turn to play u the BEST i can.

Watch ur arse girl.

HAPPY MOOD :D

Omg omg omgggggggg !!!!

Im sooooo happppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!

Done w/ the exam ! Literally. Well except for stupid physical education n civic. heh. Wth ryt?? -___-

Gheezz im actually a civilized person. Owh ermm basically i am except when ya noe my volcano erupted ! lol

Paper 3 for physics and chemistry werent dat easy. I've used up all my common sense. I bet i was bluffing only. hohoho owh well screw it. I dont care about it anymore. Hahahah

O.o im in a good mood today. I talked to dat 'person'. We're fine. U c? Im nt dat mean. Im nice. If ur nice to me. Bt lately if u havnt talked to me or i ignored u basically ur juz invisible to me. Cool aint ya think?

People want to be invisible soo much n they can.! Actually i made them invisible. Acting lyk they rnt exist. heee >.<

Met my sis yesterday. My pretty lil sis. Shes currently in Sek Tinggi Islam As-Sofa, rembau negeri 9.

Yeahhh.. Shes wayyy alim than me. lol

I've been to that school b4. For the ibadah camp a week ! It was torturing ! W/OUT MY CELLPHONE i think i would rather die.Bt watever. N my dad was planning to send me there again this year !!!

Im sooooo pissed off.. N dis time im not going for that stupid camp again. n it would be TWO WEEKS !!!! ARGHHHHHHH... =\ N mark my word i'll do anything it takes for me nt to go there. Trust me. Me n my kitty bum bum r going to make a plan. Hope da plan will work. heh. -___-

the hell u should go

Waking up w/ bad dreams.

What a very bad sign for me.

I don't like the dream that i had.

Hope it wasnt a deja vu.

Argh damn.

Physics today.

Studied last night bt couldnt understand n dun noe how to use the formula given.

Went to school w/ no mood at all.

Asking around for help to teach me physics.

I'll ask him.

"****** ! Cn u teach me physics?"

Him, "Sorry i xtau larr suruh larr haikal ajar..."

Me, "fine"

"Haikal ! Teach me physics."

Haikal, "I xtau langsung. Paham2 jer lar"

Me, haihhhhzzzz...

Entered the class texted my mum saying i cnt do physics. Stupid subject n aint making any sense.

He entered the class, "****** ! Teach me physics ! I dun understand !", him, "Owh ok."

Me, owh owkeyyy. i wonder y he doesnt want to teach me. Am i dat stupid? Im nt asking him to teach me da whole fuck up chapters. Juz da basic its fine by me bt he didnt teach me a single thing n whenever i asked him to teach me, he would say "owhhh i xtau larr.. Haikal lg tau.." wtf? N when anyone asked u to teach them u would go n teach them bt nt me? At least juz teach me basics dats all. Its nt dat hard. U knew bt u dun want to teach me i wonder y. Tears already in my eyes. I was panicking cuz aint understand a bit bout physics. He knew better bt owh well he didnt when to teach me. Its okie. I get.. Mybe im too slow huh? Bt i thought muslims suppose to help each other. In fact ur malay n im malay too. Soo y cnt u juz teach me?

No one noes how devastated i am till nw n da tears still there (yeahhhh... im dat sensitive =.=).... Kinda shocked cuz jiran sendiri xnak tolong nak buat mcm ne kn? Even my classmate yg xpro physics tried to make me understand even a bit n shes chinese, ur a malay, muslim, n my neighbour dont even want to help me wat cn i do ryt? Owh well the hell u should go. Its nt fair. At least teach me even one question bt u said no, im not good in physics n i noe nothing. Really heartbroken. Nvm that. May Allah bless what u've learnt. Its okie. Im fine. Perfectly fine.

hmmm =\

Its the way i live...

Its juz dat way soo stop bothering me k???

lol

What am i bluffing? -___-

Anyway, lifes well so-so..

Lost contact w/ my pet (kampan) cuz hes stuck w/ dat bitch.. haihzzz

Told him soo many time not to get involved w/ dat woman =.=

Owh well thank god its him nt me !
muahahahahah

Basically im boreddd till death here..

Me and my weird imagination..

Haihzzzzz

its hard its hard =.=

LOL

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/raisahfatinah

The thing that i love

Owkeyyy..

Im at home.

Nt knowing what to do...

Fineeee..

I dont want to study...yet =.=

LOL

Hohoho

Let me tell u what the things that i really love n do anything not to let anyone take them away frm me.

My sis..

n my family..

no matter how much i hate my dad n my mum n si gemuk n annoying my brother..,

they'r still part of me that i would never let go..

Yeahh i noe sumtimes its my fault n all...

bt life is hard.. Never been easy...

me, bazli (si gemuk), nadhirah (my beautiful sis), irfan (annoying brother). :)

N then the guy who changed my life, almost all, helped me a lot, been really damn patient w/ my bloody attitude..(heh.. its me fatinah.. not easy to handle -___-)

Im in love w/ him a lot.. Nt more than my family bt still..

More than anyone i have to say..

Love is all i need,

I've waited all my life,

You got me on my best behavior. - n-dubz

Yeahhh.. U got me afiq.. Love u lots :)

He n his weird thought -____- lol

N of coz my home sweet home..

My bed, my pillows, my books, n bla bla bla

Bt i love my pillows the most.. It was handmade pillows by my own grandmother..

Mostly i had them since i was standard 3...

It was by then my grandma fell sick till now..

Soo she cnt walk nor cook nor sew..

Yeahhh she was the person who baby-sit when i was baby till i was standard 2..

N my grandfather.. Goshh i miss him..

I still cnt forget when he got back frm work, me n my cousin, i was 2 years old n faiz a year younger than me, we will ride atuk's motorcycle n he will watch us.. yeahh.. sweet memories..

Missing my childhood moments.. Me n my cousins...

We were always together... Me, farhan, harith, amin, alan, safwan, we were close..

Bt now things never be the same..

Everyone w/ their own egos.

Y things have to change?

Sumtimes i wish we could never grow up..

The wish that will never come true..

Enough w/ dat sad moment -___-

lol

Owkeyyyyy back to what i actually wanted to post..

Jeng..jeng..jengggggg... >.<

OH EMM GEEEEEEE !!!!!!

I am sooooooo in in in love w/ Cheryl Cole n Tulisa (n-dubz)

They'r hot people w/ talents.. Yeahhh babyyyy... They'r hot as hell...

I love cheryl.. Shes hot.. She has beautiful smile w/ dimples..

Tulisa is hotzzz too ! She has curve body dat is really hotzz...

hahahah n no im not gay...

Juz loveeeee to c hot beautiful girls ! Lol

N ermmm i have taste okieee??? =.=

Niceeeeeeeeeeee

Hohoho

Had fun today..

My dad's family came to my house for ya noee da nasi briyani n talk n talk n talk n politic.. =.=

Lol

Aqil came to my house..

The VVIP according to my dad.

Lol

At 1st he was shy n hiding behind his dad !

WTH? =.=

N then he came to my mum n said "Mak Ngah masak nasi briyani ! Aqil suka !"

Haihzzzz

Always bout da food huh aqil? XP

 "Ayah suapkan abang?"

 Clockwise : Izzah zahirah, Aqil's little sis ! Shoooooo CUTE ! LOL 

Aqil : Hmmm kereta ayah kotor kena lap (me: =.=)

Aqil lovessssssssssssssssss taking pix ! He is sooo A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E ! >.<

Kak Syafinaz' daughters : Goshhh !! I can never be a nice sis lyk dat -___-" lol

Hohoho

N then met afiq aka my love today !

I gave packed him sum of nasi briyani..

I asked aqil to go w/ me n hes lyk "jauh lg ke kaklong? Aqil penat lar..."

Me " aqil gemuk sgt kena larr exercise =.="

lol

N then i hand in da nasi briyani to afiq n asked aqil to shake hand w/ him..

He did while hiding behind my back n hugging my butt =.=

lol

N then he said "Bye Abg Afiq !"

I was lyk awwwwwwwwww >.<

lol

Hohohoh

I love u sayang.. Ur da best damn thing happened to me :D

Briyani mari :D

Arghh gross..

Now i feel my insecurity coming back n i hate when it happened..

Its a total bitch feeling ok?

Shit..

I shouldnt open urs.

Argh fuck fuck fuck !

Sorry for dat particular word hav been repeat well not dat much

Bt hey u cant blame me when shits happened.

Aint my fault ok???? =.=

Owh fuck it

The HELL u go

Owh owh owh 

Tomorrow my little cousin will come to my house

hes 3 years old bt phewwww

damn heavy n love to talk

Last saturday, my mum called my aunt.. bt she didnt answer da phone call bt my little cousin did.

Mak : Helloooo ! Boleh cakap dengan ummi??

Da person : Hello hello helloooooooooo !!! Ummi sibuk larrr.. Baby nak susu ! Ini siapa??

Mak : Ini mak ngah larr.. Sape tuu??

Da person : Ini aqil larrr.. Mak ngah mana?

Mak : Mak ngah ayah ngah larr.. Aqil dah makan k belum??

Aqil : Dahh makannn.. Ayah beli roti canai satuu.. Mak ngah mana nasi briyani?

Mak "kak long aqil ingat lg pasal nasi briyani tuu..." Me " hahahah gedik arr gemuk tuu -___-"

Mak : Nasi briyani?? Mak ngah belum masak lagi larr... Nanti mak ngah masak aqil dtg rumah okie?

Aqil : Okie mak ngah !! Ummi ummi ummi mak ngah nak masak nasi briyani !!

well dats how it went..

Aqil wanted to eat nasi briyani n he wants my mum to cook for him... He asked her every chance he had.. It was funny actually dat he still remember it as i thought he would forget bout nasi briyani overnite bt clearly i was wrong =.= lol

cant wait to c him !

N FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ADDMATH ON MONDAY ! The shitting addmath on mondayyyy..

Well actually along w/ da ohhhh-too-complicated-subjects-for-me-dat-i-would-rather-die-than-answer-it =\

Lol 

Maybeeee i was a little melodrama bout it but owh well fuck it.

I cant understand y on earth i learnt addmath when i dun even understand it whats addmath really bout..

Owhhhh damn =.=

Be a reasonable friend is what i always ask for.

I sacrificed a lot for u n in the end i got nothing..

Hohohoho i think i have terrible luck in finding real friends.

Maybe my real friends havnt got into their "matured" moments n thoughts soo yeahhh..

Tunggu dah tuaa lar jawab nyer...

Lol

Bt hey i always there for u soo u dun hav to worry bout me going far okie? :)

Im missing my goat.. :(

The small little thing

Owhhh la la laaaaaaaa ~

I think im insane..

Shut up !!!

I can hear u said yes to urself u freak =.=

Lol

Owhhhhkeyyyyyyyyyy  Notice the title up there?

It means baby.

Notice the word "BABY" there?

Yes. Baby. Only when they'r small little thing..

When they more than 3 years old they get to be very annoying..

Which i really dun lyk =.=

I can be mother type at one time n can hate them at the same time..

Weird bt dats da truth...

Lol

Bt bt bt i only love cute babiessss....

Only da cute one.. Dats all..

If not i would be like "get off from me u little monster !!" -____-

hahahaha  I used to glare at the small kids n they cried cuz they were scared of me..

My mum hit me when i did dat bt it was fun thing to do..

I still remember when i was sitting alone next to my mum n then suddenly dis little girl i think she was about 3 years old came to me n do da smiley face.. I looked at her n juz glared at her. N then she stand ryt in front of me suddenly cried. Loud. Damn loud n she ran off to her mum. I was laughing my arse off mannnnnn.. It was serious shit funny. N then my mum gave me dis look "u-better-behave-like-a-16-years-old" n then i immdiately keep my mouth shut. N my mum said sorry to da mother.. She juz smile at me. n then she laughed. Heheheh At least i dun have little kids as my dinner. MUAHAHAHAH

Owh well, today i heard ryan seacrest talking about which gender is easier to handle? Boy or girl?

Well most of people would respond boys r easier to handle than girls which is true..

Lol

Even my parents especially my dad always said to me.. "I cnt handle u anymore. I'll leave u in God's hand."

Gheezzzz.. Cnt he be nicer to me ? =.=

Owh owh owh i went to my grandma's house today n my aunts were there..,

n_n mak jah brought dis 2 years old cute little girl n da moment i saw her i was already half crazy bout her..

Her name is Iris Irdina i think.. Beautiful name..

N shes damn cuteeeee n she wasnt afraid of me. at all. Lol

Dats a good thing.

OwhFUCKCRAP,

Lately i did my exam freaking horrible.

I had forgotten what i studied n read n i even ask forgiveness frm God and begged Him to help me bt he didnt..

Lol

 N tomorrow is agama..

*sigh

Exam is bullshitting w/ my life.. F ! =.=

Oh em geeeeeee !!!!!!! =\

Yesterday,
Me : Abah, paramore's concert is today..
Abah : Lyk i would let u go..
Me : (Fuck it fuck it fuck it.. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Haihzz... Watevershit.. My dad always mean to me.. =.=
Hohohoho i havnt even start to study sejarah.. lol
Holyshit... Sejarah is god-damn-boring owkeyyyyyy...
They cant blame me for that.. =D lol

:S

HolySHITCRAP !!!!

Today is the moment...

Once in a life time...

PARAMORE CONCERTTTTTTTTTT !!!!

Im cursing myself inside cuz couldnt have enough money,

Im cursing my parents cuz they wouldnt let me go to a concert...

Owh hell yeahhh...

I've never been to a concert before..

Honestly I cried cuz they said no n have no money to buy the tix

But wat-ever-lar-kan..

It seems that i have strong instinct that i would meet Hayley Williams and the gang !

Lol

Not sure how or when..

Hohoho

One can always dream ryt?

But somehow i think it would eventually turn up lyk i want to.. Wheeeeeeeee :D

I met her once.

Shes pretty. cool. hot. sexy.

Bt shes getting worst.

Dating my neighbour.

Arghh..

Gross?

Lol

Owh well..

I know im not supposed to judge her bt lately shes been really fuck up which im kinda worried.

Makes me thinking what if i would getting worse day by day?

What if i will be worse than her?

That kinda of thought scares the hell out of me..

I hope im becoming a better person..

Pray to God days and night...

Aminnn....

Enough with the pray...

Y am i suddenly become soo religious? =.=

LOL >.<

Devil : Y do u need to study nowww?? Ur spm is next year !! Ur wasting ur damn good time yawww !! Muahhahah !!

Angel : No no no no.. U musnt wait till next year nur raisah fatinah... Thats a wrong thing to do..Remember what abah n mak told u.. Which university u want to go.. U have to get excellent result for that my dear..Use ur brain... Ur an intelligent girl..

Devil : C???? Ur intelligent what for r u studying.. Ur wasting time pal.. Its better ur on9, or updating blog (*me : shit i juz listened to the devil ! =.="), reading a novel or reading magazines ! That would be much more fun than sitting down n study.. *yawnnnn BOH-RING !!

Angel : Use ur brain wisely my dear.. 

Devil : U need an entertainment ! Owh wait !! U havnt download adam lambert's song yet !! Go n do it now.!!

Me : Damnnnn... this is how im struggling w/ da demon n da angel inside me bout studying.. How cool is that? =.= haihhhhzzzz I thought sejarah paper is next week n it turn out to be dis week. FUCKALARRR....  IM DEAD T^T

Not a good fan of liars

Owhkey.

Maybe i would be speechless in front of u bt at least u should know how i felt okie girl?

Look i dont like people do lies to me even though its a small lie.

Nt a fan of that kind of people nor friend.

I dont know y u dont want to tell me the truth even though what u did was a common thing for me but do u really have to cover the truth?

Once u lied to me even though its a small thing u really make me feel insecure to be friends with u again.

And u do know that im really a sensitive person especially after what my cousin did to me, n now . . ..

I thought we were honest about each other.

Hey ! I dont want to be busybody about ur personal life that not many people knew about it nor wanted to be ur bestfriend soo desperately or terhegeh-hegeh nak rapat dengan kau or watsoever shit but at least just tell me the truth even though its stupid stuff. At least it makes me feel secure when im friends w/ u.

Owh well

The hell w/ u.

Lyk i care.

Ur life is none of my business ryt?

U would say dat in my face when u read dis cuz u thought that i was too bossy about ur life.

I noe u would want to do it but u try not to cuz if u did others would noe the real u.

Hohoho I dont even know who are my real friends.

That is the saddest part of my life.

Not knowing my true friends.

Its a sad life people.

Y am i always da one who uncovered da worst part of my friends?

Naaahhh its okie im fine.

Im strong soo dont u worry about me..

I dont need that kind of people to be w/ me..

Lol

Yeahhh

I can be damn emotional..

Sometimes..

I guess =.=

CHEERS :D

Too advance? -___-"

Fine.

I have to admit something people.

Im no good in english !

Lol 

owkeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy

That is soo random !

Hahaha

Too Advance?

What do i mean by that huh?
According to the dictionary too advance mean bla bla bla bla bla....

Im tooooooooooo lazzzyyyyyy to open the dictonary..

So y dont you open YOUR dictionary to find out what does it mean?

Too lazy too?

Lol 

Fineeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

According to ME,

For me too advance is like i dont know..., beyond anyone?

lol

Im nt sure how old i really am bt according to my IC im only 16, notice the numbers there? SIXTEEN !

Bt sometimes i dont think as 16 years old girl. Teenage girl. Normal teenager.

Nowaday, in our teenage world, when ur 16 its lyk the starting for us to try doing something..

Well complex word 'stupid'..

Lyk drugs, alcohol, clubbing, sex, fashionista wannabe and bla bla blaaaa..

Im sorry if that offends u bt hey u have to admit it is true, ryt??

Too many things NORMAL teenagers would want to do or planning to do..

Its the same ryt? =____= lol

Fineee.. 

Bt bt bt as for me, 16 is lyk a whole brand new world through my eyes...

Juz thank to God that ur nt me.. =.=

I've been struggling with myself lately..

N its really confusing and hard..

It drives me crazy sometimes..

Sooo yeah life is  hard.. 

Everyone has their own dark side..

Well im nt sure if i do have one..

Lol

Bt not that darkkkk...

Theres still light somewhere there -___-

lol

Im nt sure if Im really that bad person,

Till my own cousin,

MY VERY OWN COUSIN,

that i really really love talk behind my back.

Talk bad stuff bout me..

Am i dat bad?

R u really judging me by what others told u?

Look..., people if u really think that im really that FUCK UP,

then forget it..

Ur nt me or my very close friends..

Even some of my very close friends they misjudge me..

Sometimes it is very hard for me to find someone who can be on the same page on me, other than me, myself and I and God =.=

Sooo please cuz i cant keep ur fucking pretty mouth UP juz mind ur own business.. My life wont be part of your life.. Lyk I want to be part of yours.. Arghhhh eww much? JOKING ! lol

Bt yeahh u noe still..

Im a little bit confused w/ myself lately..

I love my boyfriend soo much which i hope will be my husband.. Soon.. lol

N n n i really like to be w/ dis girl..

I juz discovered her real world which yeahhh pretty cool.... I dun noe how da hell she could cover the other side of her... =___=

Hohoho my kitty bumbum.  :D

Phewwww I feel soo much better ryt nw... g2g ! Bye people... ;)